It's been roughly 3 days since meaningful and consistent conversing in English. We are at the end of the Thai Baptist Convention. My hope for Rin to experience some really solid teaching had been smashed on the first day. This is primarily a time for the church leaders. So we duck out after worship every day, and go and study and hang out on our own. I'm so terrified that Rin doesn't understand so much of the Bible. I'm terrified that he's not getting things that I want him to get. I'm worried that he might be shallow soil. For three days I've felt this to the point of forgetting how to simply hang out with someone.
It is today that God confronts me.
"Do you think I need you to grow Rin?"
I hear it quite clearly. My worry is a reflection of my lack of trust. God's work in Rin's life did not begin with me, nor will it end. Do I trust God to use all the teaching, good and bad to manifest himself in Rin's life? I must. I never came here to grow others. I came to be obedient.
And so on this final day, when I'm my most tired and spent. When I've been fighting worry, fear and culture for three days, is when I catch my glimpse of obedience. I let go of my burden. I release it to God. It was never mine to hold. I must focus on the task at hand. I rise up to be obedient in areas I've been shying away from. Today, that's opening in prayer, and explaining Easter. I don't do it perfectly, I trip over many a word. But when did God ever not use broken things to make Himself known?
Our Bible study draws to a close.
My fear and worry have been replaced with faith and confidence that God is in control.